Monday, June 28, 2010

Hemorrhoids & Hermaphrodites: Looking Back At My Pregnancy Fears

As I've mentioned before, I have several close friends that are pregnant. I've been thinking about them a lot and what they're experiencing right now. As a result, I've been reflecting a lot on my own pregnancy with Nathaniel and how I was feeling just one year ago.


Although I am ecstatic about the result, I did not enjoy being pregnant. If I had to use one word to categorize my pregnancy it would be fear. I had the typical - NORMAL - fears regarding my baby's health, the pain of childbirth, what my body was going to look like afterward, etc. etc. And then I had the grosser fears regarding hemorrhoids and pooping on the delivery table. Then came the fears that I imagine to be less common (but I think still understandable) - like not being able to get a seat on the subway during my work commute, contracting the swine flu from some a-hole on the subway who wouldn't give up their seat to a woman in her 37th week of pregnancy and giving birth on the subway floor because I couldn't get a seat.

Then there was my greatest fear: my baby would be a hermaphrodite. (Apologies to my large hermaphroditic readership.)  While I would love and accept my baby no matter what, the world can be a cruel, cruel place and I worried how Pat would fit into the world around us. Luckily, I had a very patient, reasonable friend at work who helped me devise a rough plan of action (including an education component) should my baby be born with genitalia for two.

Luckily, most of my fears did not come to pass. The ones that did, well, in the end I realized that they just didn't matter, because I had this to bring home from the hospital:  (just look at that scrunchy little face!)


11 comments:

Tiffany Larson said...

haha, hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh at the end of a loooooong day!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon your blog and I just wanted to say that I'm delighted by your sense of humor! How funny (and/or irrational) are some of the fears we pregnant women have? One of mine was that my baby would be born with teeth. Some of my dreams consisted of the baby with teeth biting his or her own umbilical cord off. You're right, though. I'd love my little teeth-baby just the same.

You have an adorable little man, keep up the good work!

Kind regards,
AEF

AJL said...

Tiffany - so glad you could end the day with a laugh!

AEF - that is a hilarious & disgusting fear!

Cate said...

LOL
"Apologies to my large hermaphroditic readership."
Oh, wow - this was heelarious and a wonderful post to link up for the first ever Zombie Post Monday at Real Life with Kids!
Thanks so much for linking!
Cate

Cassiopeia said...

Hilarious! Thanks for resurrecting this one. It's funny because its so true - you worry about the craziest things when you're pregnant.

Mandy said...

What a cutie! Makes it all worthwhile in the end doesn't it? I, like you, did not enjoy pregnancy nor childbirth. I do enjoy my kids though (most of the time...)

Nirob khan said...

Hemorrhoids patient suffering in discomfort all the day long. It’s really very painful to carry on hemorrhoids. i think we need to prevent it as early as possible.

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

Thrift stores frequently sell questionable donations. Half-used toiletries. Toxic http://tldkit.com chemicals. Used undies. A favorite local thrift not only stocks bizarre items, but keeps them in a locked Wunderkammer-like Cabinet 'O Curiosities up front. This week I peered inside to witness stomach churning horror. You've been warned!

Amy said...

I believe the term 'intersex' is more acceptable these days. We, too, thought about what we'd do if our baby was intersex (mainly because my 8-year-old nagged about the question constantly, not sure where she got the idea from).

Our midwife said she'd had one intersex baby and they assigned a unisex name. We knew for sure that we wouldn't be altering our baby's genitalia or genderising him or her so s/he would have all the options later on as gender became apparent.

jorg gray said...

If a blood clot forms inside an external hemorrhoid top medical sites, the pain can be sudden and severe. You might feel or see a lump around the anus.

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