Before I started this blog, I wrote letters to Nate in a real paper journal. I thought it would be nice to have them all in one place. Here is the letter I wrote to him on October 13, 2009:
It is 11:35 on a Tuesday night. You are in your pack and play beside my bed and I'm waiting for you to go to sleep. You're unusually fussy tonight and Daddy & I had to spend quite a long time dancing with you before you were ready to lay down to sleep.
When I first started writing you had been staring at your hands, which made you adorably cross eyed. Now you're staring at the ceiling fan, which you love to look at. It's making you smile and laugh a little while you kick your chubby little legs. Oops - back to your hands again. They are very interesting to you, and you don't have much control of them yet.
You have just started batting at things and are getting better and better at it. I'm very proud of you!
You're sleepy and have started to close your eyes in between time spent looking at your hands and up at your bear mobile, which also makes you very happy normally. Your lids are heavy and you look adorable in your blue and brown dog jammies under your blue fleece sleep sack.
You started to fuss again and we managed to get you sucking on a pacifier, so I am hopeful that sucking will calm you and you'll be able to get yourself to sleep. If not, I'll nurse you in a half an hour or so and that should do it.
Daddy's asleep next to me, since he has work tomorrow. Ava is laying on the floor. Coldplay is playing and the humidifier is running since you get all congested and it seems to help some.
Oh, Nate, you are my favorite thing in the entire world. You are by far my greatest accomplishment. Your daddy and I love you very much.
I wonder how long it took me to write that short little note. Probably at least forty-five minutes. I remember being so exhausted then, feeling so clueless. The pacifier never did work out. I think it was only actively used for maybe three nights. And getting him to drift off to sleep on his own certainly didn't last for very long either. If only I knew then what I know now about sleep!
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