Thursday, August 25, 2011

Muchkin theft

Before I had Nate, I was completely unaware that random people looove giving food away to babies. People in stores (primarily women) are always offering Nate food - cookies, bananas, filet mignon - you get the idea. I thought it was really bizarre at first, but now I kind of get a kick out of it. Maybe it's a nurturing thing, maybe they just want to put a smile on his cute face - I guess I can't really fault them for that.

But something else entirely is going on over at Dunkin' Donuts.

Dunkin Donuts Ground Coffee - 40 Oz

But before I get into that, I need to cop to my caffeine addiction. I love coffee. More than the taste, the fake awake feeling or the warding off of headaches, I love the ritual of it. And to me, the ritual is always better when someone else makes the coffee. So even though I'm all "plastic is the devil," I often stop by Dunkin' Donuts in the summer for their completely mediocre iced coffee in a plastic disposable cup with plastic disposable straw.  Because it's convenient. Because I need it.

So last spring and summer when Nate was nine or ten months, I started stopping in frequently for my fix. And every single time they would offer Nate a munchkin. At the time I was all aghast that they would think it was appropriate for my baby to chew on their fake, sugary "food."

But somewhere between then and now things have changed. If I tell Nate I want to go get a coffee, he immediately demands a MUNCHIN (no "k").  I guess at some point they wore me down with their offers and I let Nate try one. And he fell. in. love.  So now I occasionally purchase them with my coffee. And yes, maybe, perhaps, I use them as bargaining chips in the battle that is life with a toddler.

But the thing with the Dunkin' Donuts people is that they get off on giving them away. I don't know if they are just a generous group or they want to screw over their company. But they will never, ever give you the correct amount of munchkins. I've been to a few in the area and I always have the same experience. Munchkins are five for a dollar. So if you ask for just three, they will remind you that they are five for a dollar and when you agree to go for the five they will give you eight. And if you insist that no, really, you just want the three - they will give you five and not charge you. And if you say you just want one for the little guy, they will give you three. Seriously, I challenge you to go there, ask for munchkins and walk away with zero free munchkins. It is not happening.

This may sound like a good thing, but it is not. I try really hard to stick to fresh, whole foods and stay away from processed crap as much as possible. But really - I have no self control. I love processed, sugary crap. A lot. So if you give me eight freaking munchkins, I will give one to Nate. And guess where the rest go?  Channel Mike Meyers for the answer.

Am I alone? Have you noticed munchkin theft in your neck of the woods? Do people push food on your kids too?

{Um, Dunkin' Donuts obviously didn't pay me for this post. But their representatives have certainly given me plenty of free munchkins over the course of the year. And this is how I repay them.}
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