Tuesday, December 16, 2014

All is calm, all is bright

When I was little my mom used to sing Silent Night to me at bedtime. I'm not sure if it was year round or just around Christmas, but it has always been one of those huge little kid memories for me. When I thought no one was listening I would sing it to myself and try to hit the notes exactly like my mom did. Because of that connection to my mom and my childhood, it's one of those songs that really hits me in the feeling bone. (Yeah, I don't know what a feeling bone is either, but I didn't want to say "the feels" so there you go.)

For years now I have been singing it to Nate as a lullaby and he still requests it often. Since my mom died last year it's been incredibly hard for me to get through it without choking up. And let me be clear. I have an awful singing voice anyway. So it becomes even more special when I go into this weird monotone rendition so that my mind can disassociate from the special connection. I've felt bad about it and occasionally wonder if Nate notices.

Last night I asked Nate if he wanted to change his current CD and put on Christmas music at bedtime. I could only find classical Christmas music and Nate wasn't in the mood. He told me he would prefer to have a CD of Silent Night instead - with me singing it.  On loop. So apparently if I literally create you, you love my off key, nasal singing even though most everyone else would rather listen to David Hasselhoff. (Even the non-Germans.) Must be some biological thing because I think all babies love their mother's singing, don't they? I know I did.

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